Is That My Light at the End of the Tunnel?

Forward and Disclaimer

baby boomer colloq. person born during a baby boom, esp. that following World War II (1946-1964)

I am a Boomer – came along in the middle of the procreation craze.  I came of age in the late 60’s/early 70’s, and so experienced that society-altering phenomena from a somewhat safe distance (not by choice, by the way – I would have sold my mother to attend Woodstock – she wouldn’t cooperate).  As a mental health professional in the latter part of the last century and into this one, I have had the pleasure, and at times the discomfort, of working with my fellow Boomers and their offspring. 

Most often, the problems I have seen are with we “middle boomers” born between 1950 and 1959, and are the result of our excesses on which we need to “get a grip” as the next generation so eloquently put it.  And, it’s not too late to help ourselves and those we have destructively influenced so effortlessly and to too great an extent – our children, our societal norms, our planet’s health. 

This book is about getting a grip.

It is also filled with gross generalizations and exaggerations - that’s by design.  I know that generalizations are both a catch-all (the up side), and a blatant invitation for loads of exceptions if not down-right indignation.  But I do this to force the trees out of the way and make the forest abundantly clear, portrayed so heftily and boldly that, at the very least, it cannot go unnoticed.  In other words, I’m hitting you over the head with the extreme in hopes of getting you to at least think about the truths behind it.

In line with the adage upon which the name of this book is based, the “Tunnels” are our blind spots, the ways lost our way, the mistakes we unwittingly made.  The “Lights” at the end are our ways out of the darkness, solutions to our generational missteps, the ways we can right what we’ve done wrong.

If you are somewhat thin-skinned about your Baby-boomer experiences and status, you may want to pass.  But if you want it straight, right between the ears, if you feel ready to honestly acknowledge whichever issues I raise that pertain to you and make some changes for yourself, your family, your community, and your world, then keep going – you’ve come to the right messenger.

Disclaimer:  To those Boomers to whom this book does not apply, read thoroughly anyway, and then either quickly discard when no one is looking, or give to someone to whom it does apply.  Do not burn – we are against that…unless it’s the flag.  To all other Boomers, “….buckle your seat-belts….”

The Tunnels What They Are, and How We Got There

Our parents may be members of the “greatest generation,” but at the very least, we Baby-boomers are members of what I call the Absolutely Amazing Generation.  After all, we have done some truly extraordinary, socially ground-breaking things.  

Our generation gave America civil rights, and the world human rights; we gave women liberation, and brought all things sexual out of the closet.  We are responsible for bringing computers into people’s homes and offices and wireless communications into our cars and hands… and hey, let’s not forget Velcro (we didn’t invent it but we made it the rage)!  We legitimized the right to leave bad marriages, were the first to embrace the importance of self-fulfillment, and made the work place employee-friendly.  We made environmental-health a priority, recognized that mental health is as relevant as (and a correlative to) physical health, and explored space not to mention the Titanic.  We refused to fight a trumped up “war,” and gave the world Star Trek, The Force, and the tobacco settlement.  We are a phenomenon to be reckoned with!

Now, I'd like to say that such society-altering accomplishments were drawn from a deep, existential understanding of our world at the time, coming to its rescue... But, in fact, these significant changes were inspired pretty much by our response to our parents’ seemingly archaic notions like: 

• A bizarre attachment to boot straps (you know, the ones you pull yourself up by…)

– instead we lived the principle that not all problems (such as major depression) can be fixed by sheer determination, but require understanding and assistance;

• Structure that was often rigid

– instead we became more flexible and willing to listen, assessing each situation on its own merit;

• Respect for authority regardless of how badly that authority behaves

– instead we believed that respect must be earned by one’s actions;

• A level of sacrifice that seemed rather unnecessary to us (come on, guys, saving money is one thing, but hanging on to the black and white Magnavox until 1988?…Who knew that Oz was in color?)

– instead we lived more for the moment, knowing the importance of enjoying life throughout the journey rather than waiting until the end. 

Our rebellion literally and permanently changed society. 

Wow!  But wait...So:

Why are we as a generation so insecure (we are the progenitors and major consumers of more self-help books and quick-fix elixirs than there are pork-barrel projects in Congress)?

Why are so many of us and our children so dissatisfied, with our generation sporting a reputation for being self-consumed, greedy, & selfish (the “me” generation moniker we’ve been given is an example; volumes have been written about how we’ve left a poor legacy for those who followed us)?

Why have we fueled much of what’s gone wrong in this country (after all, we have been in charge for the past 25 years culminating in the Great Recession)? 

What happened to our determination to save the planet’s health and society’s humanity, two of the most important things to us in our youth? 

What caused us to lose our way?

The answer can be found in one word: Extremism, or what I call “Generational Extremes Dysfunction” (our very own GED)

Our GED is founded in two parallel dynamics that together create a powerful force for our lost bearings:

1. We stopped living our social revolution - the important changes in human behavior and awareness that we made a part of the collective consciousness back in the ‘60’s & ‘70’s, and in fact took to unhealthy extremes the great things we introduced to the world, turning them from helpful to harmful. 
2. In our determination to “not do what our parents did,” we overreacted to the extreme, rejecting all of our parents’ teachings, even the healthy and useful parts.

To substantiate this assertion, let’s consider, in juxtaposition to all the accomplishments just described, some of our many excesses.   We are also the first generation to:

• Consider high levels of debt as a normal part of ‘getting ahead’ as we continued our quest for “self-actualization” (see Tunnel I);
• Appreciate and utilize divorce – again and again - as a normal part of a relationship cycle (see Tunnel IV);
• Live so entirely “for the moment” and self-aggrandizement that we regularly put on our designer blinders to the immensely negative impact our habits and behaviors are having on everything large (the planet) and small (which wouldn’t include our waists….)
• Elevate celebrity to new heights, going beyond the movie stars and scattered sports figures of our parents’ day to a plethora of trades that do even less to advance/improve our world (fashion models, reality TV anybody, home-improvement felons…I mean guru’s etc.), all of whom we believe to also be “self-actualized” because they make lots of money;
• Embrace quick-fix drugs and “enhancement” procedures as a respectable if not needed part of every-day life, bringing full circle our generation’s love of pharmaceuticals (from LSD to Libido lifters; Bennies to Brain enhancers).

Then there is the most disturbing aspect of our leadership over the past 2 decades: Once we were the ones in charge, we became “the man” we so reviled as youth, undoing all the things we fought to fix:

• We became statistically the greatest polluters with our wasteful lifestyles and desire for lots of “things”;
• As company CEO’s we have been the purveyors of greed that spawned the Great Recession;
• As the majority of legislators on both State and National levels, we continue to be driven by our personal desire for power and prestige over ensuring that the needs of our citizens are handled thoughtfully and well.
• According to The Pew Research Center, generations, like people, have personalities. Their collective identities typically begin to reveal themselves when their oldest members move into their teens and twenties and begin to act upon their values, attitudes and worldviews.  Well, it would seem our true values, attitudes, and world views, deep down, were not what we espoused in the safety of our college campuses.

Add to that our tendency to feed on others’ unhappiness as a Boomer-led extracurricular activity, and we have a full plate of bad behavior as new chic.  The iconic Washington Post Writers’ Group syndicated columnist George Will has labeled an eighth deadly sin – schadenfreude, or enjoyment of others’ misfortune – he’s found this has come to be “almost the national pastime.”  Clearly visible through just the tv shows alone that our generation, and our children, have popularized (Jerry Springer; many “reality” series; even Dr. Phil, perhaps against his own better judgment, now has shows that are more sensationalizing of folks’ bad behavior than helpful on-air problem solving), we’ve even taken “misery loves company” to an extreme.

No doubt you have heard of the proverbial ‘pendulum swing’ that adjusts, starting at the other extreme, to the extreme to which it is reacting.  Well, as Boomers, we certainly did our share of extreme swinging (pun intended) – unfortunately, sometimes to our detriment and the detriment of our children and world. 

That’s the bad news.  The good news is that as the pendulum continues to swing, it moves ever closer to the center, the middle ground, that engenders the best of both ends of the spectrum.   This is where our lights will ultimately be found. 

But first, I’m going to take you through each tunnel, because we cannot make something right until we know more precisely what went wrong.  Not all tunnels will apply to all of us, but I feel confident that, if you’re ready to be really honest with yourself, you will see yourself in one, probably more, either in total or in part.

Before moving on, however, you are no doubt thinking at this point what possible good does it do to bring up the mistakes we’ve made in the past that we can do nothing about now? 
The answer:

1. Just like great therapy, we cannot remove barriers to greatness and well-being until we are first aware of them, and acknowledge them as changes that need to be made;
2. These are mistakes we are still making – they are not in the past;
   

It is by no means too late to rectify these problems - we can indeed undo some of the damage we’ve done, to ourselves, our offspring and their children, and our world.